Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
This and the next two Steps are concerned with personal relations. Learning to live with others is a fascinating adventure. Obstacles: reluctance to forgive; non-admission of wrongs to others; purposeful forgetting. Necessity of exhaustive survey of the past. Deepening insight results from thoroughness. Kinds of harms done to others. Avoiding extreme judgments. Taking an objective view. Step Eight is the beginning of the end of isolation. Your list has already been created in the Fourth Step inventory.
Twelve and Twelve p.7
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
A tranquil mind is the first requisite for good judgment. Getting feedback from another alcoholic before making an amends is a good idea—and is oft sited by AA’s as a reason the Steps have a wisdom in their sequence. The good news just in: Your Sponsor may cross off many on the list because there would be more harm done than good!
Must have. Would be nice. No, Never—are the usual three categories for the list. Peace of mind cannot be bought at the expense of others. Readiness to take the consequences: Remember, this is not an apology. People we have hurt are familiar with our excuses. The phrase used in the true spirit of this step is:
“What can I do to make this right?”
The importance of telling our reason for taking this action is:
“I will drink again if I don’t make amends.”
