In Oceania–of the many Samoan, Hawaiian, and New Zealand cultures–guilt caused by error–makes one sick. Harmony and health–to both the body and the land–can be healed by confessing the error, especially of sexual misconduct, in the tribal circle. Ho’o is to put to rights, to make right, such as in preparing to catch a wave. Indeed, my Pono, or uprightness needs be reviewed and adjusted to tidy up or make neat, my life. I am unable to catch a wave at Waikiki Beach, and this was not always the case when I was young. I caught every single wave I could hear arising behind me. Something happened. Something isn’t right. Prayer and Meditation points me in the right direction today.
In the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, so too is this Spiritual Principle made to heal the alcoholic from drinking, only by confessing and releasing anger and resentments against other persons, places, or things–to amend, or make good–a future path of a healthy life.
On many YouTube videos, there are many one-to-three hour podcasts with experts and best selling authors. They promote their practices to help one become abundant, wealthy, and productive.
I would like to distill the many ancestral and religious practices into a short list of areas in one’s life that need an honest light to sweep upon our shortcomings like a lighthouse over dark rocky shoals.
A lei made from the fruit of the pandanus tree was bequeathed after the completion of ho’oponopono in the tradition of kahuna Makaweliweli of Moloka’i.*
* Etymology defined by the Hawaiian Dictionary and second section of wikipedia.org
In a fourth step inventory of one’s self, there is a list of columns with which an alcoholic or an addict is to divide to find first–the person, place or thing one is angry about. Column two is to be the cause, column three is the aspect of what part of our natural God-given instincts have gone awry, and then, four, what could we do differently, in living an amended life.
I’ll concentrate on the third column, as many sponsors and sponsorees become slow to admit to find the area of life that is–or has been–damaged such that escape through drugs and alcohol is a recurring trap from which their appears to be no escape save for jails, institutions, or death. Here are the items for column three:
Personal security How often do we feel threatened by gossip or bullying by another, and how does this erode the fabric of our life with others. Especially time spent in getting even.
Social instinct We all observe herds, coveys, schools, and packs among the animals, as so too do we humans cluster themselves in groups and organizations. Note how we tend to sit in the same seat in a classroom or movie house. How we tend to be like birds of a feather and attract like-to-like.
Pocketbook Indeed, finance, or lack of money, is a big part of resentment of who got what, or how do I get mine? Keeping up appearances and looking good all create a false facade that can come crashing down when we don’t get honest with another about our true motives.
Self-esteem High Unrealistic expectations, entitlement, or having a huge ego with no respect for self, hence no respect for other people, places, or institutions. Look at Peter Quill’s dad in Guardians of the Galaxy 2.
Self-esteem Low This can manifest in hidden sex relations and codependency and in being what is called an enabler. Family mascots abound with titles of caretaker, black sheep, golden boy, and troublemaker.
Pride and ambition Pride leads the procession as we always live in regrets of the past or the worry of the future–never in the gift of the present. Plans for the future is another good way to phrase this aspect.
Personal relations To assess that other’s were wrong were as far as most of us got. We never realized that the victor only seemed to win, and that the only one losing was us, whenever we tried revenge.
Emotional security Think about it. If we were emotional secure, wouldn’t we be attractive to others? Isn’t that what we admire in someone we like? And yet, we fail to take the advice we freely give to others.
Financial security If you sit in a barber shop long enough, you’ll get a haircut. Hang out with millionaires, and your chances of becoming one improve dramatically. Most poverty consciousness comes from being taught like this from our family of origin–hence why upwardly mobile families strive to move to better neighborhoods, just like Trevor Noah’s story and his off the record tour!
Sex desire Gameboy-playing and porn-watching does not a successful sex addict make. I’ll never forget the lost soul kicked out by his boyfriend holding a black plastic trash bag full of his porn. He chose porn over a live human being. What a shocker before going through the gate to an SAA meeting!
Material security Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices in trying to convince an addict or alcoholic to work the steps by Trusting God, Cleaning House, and Helping Others. It is so simple. Honesty. Open-mindedness. Willingness. With these we are well on our way to material security!
Ask yourself when you become upset what is the fear associated with the reactive behavior. For me it usually boiled down to: There isn’t enough. There isn’t enough time to find a parking space. There isn’t enough time to wait for the light to cross the street or checkout at the convenience store–or to write a letter or email. There isn’t enough time. There isn’t enough love: I better run away now before I get dumped or get my feelings hurt. These are all fears of scarcity. Indeed my worries and my anxiety depressive tendencies were numbed by alcohol, then marijuana, then cocaine, and then meth.
Ta Da! I’m an alcoholic. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, ’cause a pickle can never be turned back into a cucumber. Knowing this, I don’t have to pick up–no matter what.
The Dao of Doug: A Bus Driver's Perspective 