There is only one Grinch. Or is there? Don’t be one next week. Oh, btw:
Have a Meany Merry Christmas
The Art of Driving a Bus
H.A.R.T. Skyline Rail Progress
Safe Driving Training Vault
One of the most frustrating aspects in the bustle and tussle of a large, dense city is just missing a connection. This book is for the regular transit rider that may still be missing transfers to another bus that can be averted by one simple rule: your desire to catch that trolley bus actually hinges not on the caricature of one massive entity called a Municipal Transit Agency, but rather, an individual seated behind the wheel of a car. Yes, we call coaches or cars by their number, and it is okay to call a bus a car, such as car number 5505. If you are aware of car numbers, chances are you have a good handle on understanding the system. If your awareness extends to run number, car number, cap number, and line number, then your status is elevated to that of a Muni God. By reading this book, you too, can be elevated unto that Heavenly Status. Gods can get angry. Gods can cause major damage. Gods can cause a rush of change. But when they are benevolent as angels, good things can happen!
Taxi Patterns
Unlike fighting for a cab in Manhattan, San Francisco can be a desert in needing a taxi at certain times and certain corners. Outside of the Tenderloin, Union Square, or Financial District, there are no cabs visible as far as the eye can see. The trick about getting a cab in SF is to know the taxi patterns: when and where cabs are empty, after a nearby drop off, and to stand in a favorable direction for line of sight, and in favor of the direction in which you plan to go.
Market and Valencia is a great place to get in an empty cab to travel up Franklin to Russian Hill or Fort Mason. Eighteen and Castro is great in the evening to go home anywhere in the city. Major 4 star hotels almost always have a queue of cabs, and if they do not, then you know you are in for a wait to nab one.
The key here is to know where a nearby cab will be dropping someone off. Look for the smokers standing in front of a club! A cab will pull up shortly. The important thing to note is that you must move to an area where people are standing on the sidewalk, or where there is heavy pedestrian cross traffic.
Hey Driver Doug, have you heard about Uber and Lyft? It’s time to get a smartphone! Get the app!*
*Author’s response (2022): I got my first iPhone at Target in 2017. I now have an iPhone13 mini, and am finally current.
Helter-Skelter Shelter: Rear Door Boarding
A friend asks on Facebook, “What can be done about the homeless encampment that is a bus shelter stop at Leavenworth and Post?” I hesitate to answer this question in the comment box in response to his post about Post. This is where it is a good place to state, “The views contained herein do not necessarily reflect the views or rules of the SFMTA or it’s employees.”
My views are based upon my years of experience and my chapter essays are only taking my personal view into account. My star-cast and life reading from the Cayce society point out I must find my own personal leadership style but must consider helping groups of others or find intimate mates to assist in love and service rather than be my own captain of the ship.
Indeed, these missives bound together in a book are all from self, with my exclusive point of view, usually done without running it through a coworker. I found out the hard way that editing with another pair of eyes, for example, is a necessary standard in helping an author I could not admit.
Rear door boarding is an issue many of my coworkers did not agree with, but I did. Rocking down the Mission, I was able to easily keep to the schedule and reduce dwell time in the zone by clicking open all doors. The largest complaint I get at the fare box is from riders who question what I am to do about checking the fare of those who do not pay by boarding in the rear.
Indeed, I got a call-in on a red light violation as payback for retaliation after asking to see the passenger’s discount card. The rule is always benefit of the doubt, if we believe the fare has been paid, so asking to see the discount pass is not actually in the rules for requesting the fare. Oops.
This fare evader was able to song and dance the fare inspectors with a vague promise to update her discount card, so when I asked again two weeks later to produce the card she called me a jackass. All I got back was “La, la, la, la.” This is why we operators are perceived as not caring about or checking the fare; it just adds to the drama, which can be distracting.
Yes, in a world we both desire, Muni could be free, but let’s be here now. It was hard for me to contain my laughter when she retaliated and withdrew the dollar she ‘intended’ to put in the box, because ever since reading Pinocchio, I’ve wanted to feel what it would be like to change into a donkey! The victim entitlement mode is strong with those who do not, or have not, ever paid, and the gift of a broken farebox two days in a row, after this incident, is a sign to stop asking for the fare. I have to admit I do like the drama, and see if my nose starts to grow!
I was a strong advocate for rear door boarding and it seems management acceded to this request, to the behest of the union, and nowhere does this become more apparent than at a shelter stop where the shelter has become a shelter for homeless, street druggies, and drug dealers. To be sure, minimizing open rear door dwell time can prevent drama from those who do not pay. To me, the open door policy minimizes drama and confrontation, and speeds running time down the line. To others, if feels like loss of control and opening Pandora’s box. This is a tough one to reconcile.
When confronting the dilemma of unclean or blocked seats at a bus shelter, I must tread carefully, and seek wise counsel about what to do. Based on calls to TMC (Transit Metro Control) on the radio, when two or more calls come in to the radio operator, action is taken.
My solution to a dirty shelter encampment would be to have my friend get other neighbors in his building, or those he sees at the bus stop, to call 3-1-1 and put in a service request to clean the shelter. Another point would be to bring up health and safety. These are two golden words that make a difference. All shouting, pouting, and profanity on the phone lines to our call center are not as effective as saying in a detached voice and tone, “For health and safety.”
We are continually reminded from inspectors on the street, and over the radio and in training mode that safety is our highest and first priority. This is the golden rule I present to the riding public and reader of this tome. Use the golden rule to have an effect and affect change.
I came up with this chapter topic because I had some cool photos of some shelters being installed by our barn on Presidio Ave. Soon after I took photos of a brand new shelter, youth running from police in presumably a stolen car, took out that shelter. I got a picture of this newly installed shelter and its short-lived life.
Indeed, the road to happy destiny takes many rough turns. Bus mirrors hit the shelter, wheelchairs get caught between the poles, and angry drifters crack all the glass all the time. The shards can be resold as ‘ice’ to unsuspecting ‘Forty-Niners’ new to the city.
Just like panning for gold, the instinctive street wary denizen can sell useless broken glass as a new wonder drug to the latest techie going down from a crystal meth or heroin binge fueled by the bounty of VC: in this era, not the Viet Cong, but venture capital. And so goes the boom and bust cycle of San Francisco. Like the helter-skelter in the life of a bus shelter, it goes up and it comes down.
Just like sitting at the dock of the bay watching the tide, the road to happy destiny does have it victories and defeats.
We’ve Been Waiting an Hour
“Where the hell have you been?”
a) “The pizza delivery boy was late and apologized, so I got a free pizza and ate it all at the terminal. You don’t expect me to wolf it all down in five minutes, do you? I am not allowed to use my phone while I am driving, so I had to call my order in after I got to the end.”
b) “The brakes failed, and I had to wait for the shop after filling out an accident report for the three beamers I took out rolling down Russian Hill. The shop wanted me to fill the bus up with as many people as possible to see if the brakes would hold.”
c) “I did some shopping at Fisherman’s Wharf and don’t want you to rain on my parade. Wait here for the next bus right behind me so I can pick up the folks at the next stop. Since you’ve waited an hour already, another fifteen minutes is nothing.”
d) “I’m terribly sorry for this delay. I am in a hurry with a triple load and don’t have time to argue with you. You can get on the next bus right behind me.” Shut the door and drive off.
The correct answer is, of course, b). This gains sympathy from the angry mob and gives an accurate view of the equipment and service. Also, it hints that affluent owners of hi-end vehicles will get their due. This unites the angry mob in a can-do attitude.
Although this may not be an actual verbatim test question provided during the civil service exam, the insight provided here may improve your skill score. As a transit professional, you are required to handle difficult situations quickly and respond to questions without hesitation. While some books on the subject of driving a bus may provide guidance as to how to remain calm in a dense, congested city such as San Francisco, let’s face it, we may not have the patience or time to assume a lotus position and meditate.
When intending passengers become a large mob, it doesn’t bode well for my day. If BART is shut down or our metro tunnel is blocked, large numbers of commuters congregate at our trolley and motor coach surface stops. I need the space in my head to answer questions, and still pull away in a timely fashion. I also have to maintain space at the front of the aisle so I can see out my mirrors and the front door.
I took a cab home the other day, and the cabbie said that on a talk radio show, a regular caller was complaining that our buses run around empty and that funding should be cut. I laughed and said that the reason our buses are empty is because they are being towed back to the shop. Our trolleys are up to twenty years old and “go to sleep,” especially in hot weather.
This caller obviously was a car person who may never have taken mass transit. I can assure the readers that our buses are crowded from morning rush well into the night at 10:00 p.m. Our 22 and 14 lines never really run empty. A safety officer imported from another city commented how amazing he thought it was that our buses were still crowded hours after rush hour. So, seriously then, we need new trolleys, and we need them now!
If I try to use this reasoning with the riding public paying their “fare” share, they usually become angry. They say I am going to make my money regardless of what they do or do not put in the fare box, and they are correct. I just believe it adds to a lawless kind of attitude that doesn’t take personal responsibility. Those who are grateful for our transit system pay their fare and are generally courteous and helpful. Keeping Zen means keeping my side of the street clean and not worrying about what others do.
Motor Coach
When our barn falls short of equipment, we are assigned to Woods Division to get a diesel or motor coach. I love trolleys, and I love that San Francisco did not do away with streetcars and trolleys. Nowadays, trolleys look like buses. They have rubber tires and the body of a bus, except for the fact that they have two poles on the roof that attach to double wires carrying 600 volts of direct current. Because our tires are rubber, we need to have a second ground wire to complete the circuit. Though I have designated this book’s title as from a bus driver’s perspective, I am actually driving a trolley. My range of motion and ability to change lanes is more restricted because I trolley my poles on the overhead wires. Operators of trolleys must always be aware of the dead points or breakers in the overhead and never exceed their operating range. They should always keep in mind the range and length of the poles on the roof of the bus.
Historically, streetcars look much like the barn style trolley and have only one pole in their roof because the steel wheels on the rails are grounded by the earth. Streetcars came into casual conversation as they became more streamlined in the 1950s during the PCC era. The term “trolley,” when spoken, came to mean the cable car style of body that was square-like and made of wood. The cow-catcher or people-catcher in front of the cab was a good thing to have along Market Street. The density of people boarding on multiple tracks is a wonder to behold in the historic photos of the time. I find it interesting that these days we have concrete islands between lanes on Market Street to keep boarding safe, now that the trolleys no longer have people-catchers. But there are times along Mission Street that I wish we still had them.
Most of my coworkers are not too thrilled to have to go to an alien division and operate a motor coach in place of a trolley when our barn simply does not have a coach available for us. I do, however, like the motor coaches for the 22 Fillmore line, because the back doors are wider and further to the rear. This feature helps with the aisle crowding and speeds boarding and alighting. I also like the fact that the middle door step is not the abracadabra mechanism on a motor coach. I can click the rear doors shut, even if people are standing on the back steps. When heavy and late, the motor coach can be a life-saver for my emotional state.
Anyway, I am down with motor coaches and don’t mind going over to Woods to pick up one. I actually like the ride over on my bike. The Dogpatch behind Potrero Hill is actually an interesting neighborhood that seems like it is in the country, miles from the city. And yet the skyline is right there in front of you when you look down from the hill. This is where much filming takes place because of the dramatic, unobstructed view of skyline. The movie Bullet was shot on Pennsylvania Avenue just up from Dogpatch on Potrero Hill. When I say up, do I mean up! The escarpment here, from the ramp and the bay to the vistas of downtown, is dramatic, as is the over-crossing on 280 Freeway on the 22 line. We climb from Dogpatch to Potrero Hill. This is definitely a place to keep the Zen!
Low Fat Turkey Bacon or Double Smoked Cheddar?
What are your feelings about eating meat?
There are incredible things in the animal fats that help our bodies improve in immunity. We Americans just go overboard on everything.
Cardiologists would do well to test me for insulin levels–and include the test that shows recent insulin levels–when I go in for an MRI scan on Friday. All these dramatic discussions about keto diets and vegan food plans omit the sickness within my cells for overeating and eating every two hours: all the cells in my arterial sheaths, are all a symptom of cells that have lost their ability to expand and contract and remain flexible during periods between meals. Refined sugar from processed foods including steel pressed breads, shuts down my liver and also affects my kidneys, which have no time to do their job without any fasting periods. It’s about how our bodies are built.
“I’d like a tall black coffee.”
” Would you like cream and sugar with that?” [Pause]
“No, I’d like a black coffee–with no cream and no sugar.”
(See how insidious our culture’s pressure is on sugar?)
Free Ride
For those riders who are ready, a free ride is an opportunity to imagine what Muni would be like with no fare box at all. A smile and thank you is all it takes as a regular breezes by the yellow line to find a seat. The Zen zone is strong and the crunch zone seems A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Now is the time it becomes easy to spot those who have not mastered how to ride the bus in San Francisco.
I can put the defect card over the bill meter or clipper tag-in device with the words, Free Ride, Clipper not working. But this is not enough for those intent on paying a fare without the casual greater awareness of what is going on around them. Their tunnel vision is restricting their ability to learn and adapt to changing conditions around them. This can be fear based, or newcomer based. Either way, the free ride benefit of saving dwell time in the zone is completely lost upon these folks. I must find my Zen to minimize this loss of time and distraction. Usually hand signals work best. Waving my hand over the fare box and motioning to step past works best. I was able to get my Muni Diaries audience to practice this at my performance as Driver Doug!
They all started to make the waterfall motion as I kept repeating the motion over and over on stage. Ninety nine percent of intending cash fare boarders get it, even though they may pause to create brief bumper cars with the person behind them attempting to stick the dollar under the defect card. Or they attempt to tag over and over and over and over again. Chinese seniors are the number one record holder of consecutive tags on clipper when the system is not working. When clipper is off, and no sound emits from speaker, I can praise Tibetan Monks, Allah, or Prime Creator!
Being spiritual helps when a wardrobe malfunction occurs in lifting up a shirt or jacket with the pass on a lanyard around the neck. Or with a hip check running in to the person ‘next door’ also trying to pay the fare. Creating a fast track lane and an exact change lane by motioning with hand signals from my seat at a big stop brings smiles of relief from the crowd. Step Up Please! Exact change on the right, Clipper on the left! And the Zen of knowing when to use the two lane step up!
Those in the shop at the tower or on air at central control very rarely contain the empathy of what life is like for hours on end in the cockpit when something not safety significant is not working properly, or intermittent. At the end of the day, it’s not whether our request is heeded on the defect card, but rather how we let such a distraction become an entertainment. The musts of demonstrating the patience of a Muni bus driver can come in to play even in a free ride situation as their are those determined to pay a fare no matter what. Perhaps they just got dinged by a fare inspector. Maybe they have a strong resentment against those that do not show their fare and cheat the system, and they be damned if they board without a beep. Interestingly, this group is just as confounding as those that fumble without fare at the front door blocking the steps. If you don’t have your card out and need to ask a question, let others at the stop, who are ready, go first.
If you are a coach pulling-in, it never hurts to ask for a transfer when you get off. Back door boarders have this one down. Because the coach is a short line coach, a new transfer with more time is usually given. We cannot waste transfers and may have longer ones already cut. Whether you got on for free or not is not the pressing matter. What is on our mind as an operator is to go home! I forgot to get a transfer when I got on. This works great instead of the hostile name calling, going out the back door empty-handed. The next regular coach is usually right behind the short line pull-in coach, and if you are fast at exiting the front door, you can get a new transfer. Being polite and respectful to the operator pays dividends for a free ride, especially if my momma is not involved in your request.
So the free ride should become fun and easy. A smile and a nod is all it takes. If someone continues to dump coins or wedge a faded dollar in the slot, I can become Austin Powers, Church Lady, or O’be Wan Kanobi. Oh behave. Could it be Satan? May the Force Be With You. Or the English Church version: Peace Be With You.
The Dao of Doug: A Bus Driver's Perspective 